Things I've Learned....

Things I've learned as the mom of two girls (currently ages 5 & 7):

1. I am the only one who can flush a toilet.
2. I am the only one who can close the toilet lid.
3. I am the only one who can fish things out of the unflushed toilet, such as toothbrushes, hair ties, and handsoap.
4. I can no longer take a shower (or use the toilet) by myself. I will always have a child (or the cat) who needs my attention during those times.
5. I am the only one who can change a roll of toilet paper.
6. Kids will only puke in the middle of the night.
7. I can make a casserole with all the foods they love (chicken, tomatoes, mac & cheese, veggies) and they will hate it.
8. Barbie's clothes make her look like a hooker. Don't get me started on her shoes.
9. Ken likes to wear Barbie's clothes.
10. Nintendo DS games have a special black hole they disappear into never to be seen again because the concept of putting the games back into their cases will not get through certain thick skulls. 
11. World War III will always start when I am writing/doing dishes/cleaning/talking on the phone because one of the 25 Barbies is missing and that is the one they can't live without even though she looks the same as all the others. I can only hope she isn't in the toilet.
12. Bedtime takes two hours because someone always has to get up and pee, usually multiple times. Or they can't find their favorite stuffed animal or their left big toe hurts or they want to know why Zombies eat brains.
13. They will always ask why I say words like hell and shit, usually in public places such as the grocery or pre-school.
14. They will always see the midget/old man's buttcrack/morbidly obese person on the scooter in the grocery story and point he/she out, very loudly.
15. Some days there just isn't enough wine.